Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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