Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
