he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
