He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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