My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
