Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just invented taco cereal.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
