In the future we'll all be gay
My sheets look like a crime scene.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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