if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize