So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love having hate sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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