hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize