I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
