I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
