If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize