I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
