Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
