I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
