well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
