I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
