im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize