omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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