It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize