Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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