he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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