my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
