with your own penis?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
