I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
