Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
