I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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