We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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