Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
