if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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