god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
