i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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