I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
