I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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