Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
