I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
