I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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