dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
