So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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