He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize