Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
