That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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