Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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