last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
