sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
