You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
