he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
