so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
