She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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