Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
