Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So vagazzling was a success
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