Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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