It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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