his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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