dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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