im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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