you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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