Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
