i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
