Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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