I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
