He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
