in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
