Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
