I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
